The best thing that happened to me today was my reading the verse at the top of Day 21. The verse was Isaiah 58:11 – The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.
I have been struggling today with rejection. Rachel wanted nothing to do with going out on Valentine’s Day. That makes today, our anniversary, and many other occasions that she hasn’t wanted to engage me. We had a back and forth conversation where I believe we were both patient and did not engage each other in a negative way. Over the course of the conversation, she reminded me that she feels like we should be separate and that is how she feels. I advised her to divorce me which goes against what I am doing. I got caught up in the moment, but I feel that I will just continue 0n this journey and not engage Rachel further unless instructed by the book or just out of a pure response. I still don’t feel that she can commit to any decision or idea and somewhat feel that she needs to know what life is like without me and if she’ll enjoy that. I will start looking at my own future, especially with finances in the event she doesn’t want to be together.
For my dare, I will open up the book of Proverbs and read and continue reading until I feel like putting it down. I’ve always enjoyed the book of Proverbs so I’d like to dive back in since it has been awhile since I’ve read the pages. I need to continually accept that God is the true provider and that He will fulfill all of my desires. I have to remember that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. My needs will be met by God and I need to give my cares to God. I will see how I feel in the coming days, but I know that God will provide and carry me through these tough times. I love Rachel and love Haylee so much and need to trust God that He will either bless our family or bless and provide for my future going forward.