I love Rachel period! I choose to love her even if she doesn’t love me in return. The 22nd day brought about an internal struggle with regard to a discussion I had with Rachel. We had a conversation about my availability and schedule. I understand her need for a break, but I wish she would understand that I want to be there all the time to take care of everything. I want to take care of her, I want to take care of Haylee, I want to do the laundry, clean the house, put Haylee to bed, make dinner for the family, pack lunches in the morning. I want to do everything possible to love Rachel because I want to do it. It makes me happy and fulfilled by doing those things for her and our family. I had a challenge today of expectations. I responded calmly to Rachel and we disagreed but didn’t yell or say anything hurtful. I was getting upset though during the conversation and after hanging up the phone, it dawned on me that I do have a small bit of expectation still and that I need to lose that and continue to turn God to fulfill my needs. I don’t expect Rachel to give anything back, but the thought is that if I am disappointed in my life, it means that certain things are not happening as I want them. It may not be in God’s plan for my life so I need to put my faith and trust in him. After Rachel and my conversation, I texted her letting her know that I am going to continue to love her period and love her unconditionally. I will love her regardless of whether or not she loves me back or gives me anything in return. I reiterated this over and over again and I will continue to do this and not focus on my wants or desires at this time.
As I’ve stated that God will provide according to His plan, I will continue to put my faith in Him and if His will be done, so be it. I continue to pray for Rachel and Haylee and that God will protect them both and that God will work in Rachel’s heart to give her comfort and guidance. The item I accepted the most from this love dare day was the story of Hosea. It was amazing to read of how Gomer was a prostitute, left Hosea and when she came back after Hosea bought her, he gave unconditional love through God. God worked in Hosea to transform his hear. It was Hosea’s faithfulness that carried him through and his trust in God. I will do my best to model this aspect of his life and I’ll remain faithful to continue to love Rachel, to continue to follow God, and to continue to love my family. I will remain faithful to this process and continue forward to see what God has in store for me.